
Day
June 9, 2009

Day
May 7, 2009
Hello.
Semester 4 has ended. 2 years at Lewis and Clark. Amazing.
There’s a moment in my life that has stayed with me. It was in 1999, in August. I was living in Palo Alto with my friend Daniel. I had thought I would come down there and work for him at his web startup, but I arrived just as the bubble burst. The money dried up and so I just paid rent with cash I borrowed from my parents and worked on my second (failed) novel.
Anyhow. Sometimes I took BART into the city and hung out in downtown San Francisco. It was (and is) a pretty city — and so I’d write in some cafe or hotel on my laptop and then wander back out to the suburbs. On one such night, I walked all the way back to the house from the train station (rather than call and have Dan come pick me up).
It was a warm summer night, and just walking and being alone and unencumbered — it gave me a resolute sense of joy, a shiver, that I’ve felt rarely in my life.
In the geography of mental status, I’m certainly closer to the side where depression lies — those formidable dark lands that can be such a struggle for many. But I have had a few moments of happiness, of happiness so pure you can feel it in your body. That night, walking from the train, I experienced one. For no reason, other than I was walking. And I was young. And it was a pretty evening in the Bay Area.
Now, sitting in my classroom, my 94-seat auditorium where I held a lecture class on the Rock N’ Roll Novel this term, I experienced the same feeling. It was the end of classes. My last exam. And the seats were silent. Quiet. I was alone with the classroom, and my memories of the class, and the formidable performance that is teaching. And I was filled with that same happy visceral shiver.
April 13, 2009
“I like the silent church before the service begins, better than any preaching.”
-1841
April 10, 2009

April 7, 2009
Sorry about the lapse in posting; although if you read the dates on the posts from the past two years, you’ll see that I am prone to these silences. I think it’s just part of not being entirely comfortable in the self-disclosure of the web. Anyhow.
But, I wanted to post a paragraph by one of my students, Adam Rager. This week he turned a 51-page story in to workshop. It was really wonderful in so many ways. This is the last paragraph of his story:
“…So this is the end.
Our dreams are paper cities. Our metaphors are paper cities. Our fictions are paper cities. Our truths are paper cities. God is a paper city. I am a paper city. Sadness, loss, and death are paper cities. Happiness, love, and life are paper cities. We are paper cities.”
March 12, 2009
I think that teaching is very difficult. I enjoy it, but there are times when I wonder about the goals of reading literature in the classroom. I think that reading is a peaceful activity, and one that leads to understanding. So: These are two things that I love about teaching. It values two things — peace and understanding — that are integral to making the world a better place. I guess that these are the same two things that I value in writing. My books seemed — seemed — to care for me when I was a teenager. Books can care for you in a way that people can’t. They are reliable and, even when they challenge you, they do it to make you smarter and stronger. I think. So: That’s my rambling monologue about teaching for the day.
March 4, 2009
I have seen two good films this week. The first was Ballerina — the documentary about the Kirov ballet in St. Petersburg.
Technically, the film wasn’t anything remarkable. But seeing the Marinsky Theater again brought back memories of the summer — and watching Giselle in its enormously ornamented, almost Baroque interior. Lovely and nostalgic.
Second, I went to see Let the Right One In.
A Swedish vampire movie. But that’s really unfair, since the movie is really about the fragility of childhood — and the ways that a society supports or conceals violence. God, it was beautiful. And sad. And strange. And funny, in places. I guess I’m a sucker for snow scenes. There’s something about having luminous ground that makes winter images so captivating. To me, anyway.
March 2, 2009
The German press that is publishing my book (tomorrow!) — Rowohlt Berlin — did a trailer for it. You can see the trailer, here:
I was amazed. This is the first time I’ve seen anything I’ve written on a screen, in any language.
February 24, 2009
I can’t believe that Ken Griffey Jr. is coming back to the Mariners!
Unbelievable. So wonderful.

February 18, 2009
“Rhythm and harmony find their way into the inward places of the soul — on which they mightily fasten.”
I thought that was a beautiful quote.